It was our anniversary last week. We celebrated as many middle- age-couples-with-kids do. Staying home, ordering take away and falling asleep in front of a movie. Yep, party animals, I know!

I often find myself in a reflective mood on days like anniversaries, and this day was no different. As I went about my day, with the highs and lows of the last 16 years swirling through my head, I came up with 16 lessons that the last 16 years have taught me. 

I wrote them down with the intention of sharing them with you, but that was before the argument that turned into a fight. 

I was quick to toss the list aside. 

I can’t write about marriage when we are just cooling off from our last argument? What qualifies me to share lessons from our journey? 

And then it was the conversation with a kindred spirit that had me mulling over what qualifies any of us to write and share anything at all. 

If perfection is required to share thoughts on parenting, marriage, cooking, or faith, then I really need to make this my last ever blog post and say farewell to you all. 

The truth is I, like all people who write about stuff, have it no more together or perfect than those who don’t write.

I suppose the only difference is I am willing to share the good and the not so good stuff of life through what I write.

So here they are, lessons learnt through the imperfection of the journey. Lessons we keep learning today. 

16 Lessons from 16 Years of Marriage

1. I love him more now than 16 years ago.
2. It’s harder than I expected.
3. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
4. My husband always seems to offer the olive branch first. He shows grace and moves on quickly. I’m still working on this. 
5. It’s ok that we are different. I’m good in the morning, he holds it together at night. I can cook, he can build the boys a billy cart. I freak out about a potential disaster, he stays calm. He can drive all day, I negotiate peace amongst the kids in the car. Different means we’re a good team, even if it makes for interesting sometimes. 
6. We’ve grown to be the same over the years too. I love the rugby and he now knows how to book a good restaurant and sit with me for hours talking over a meal. 
7. You don’t always needs to talk. It’s ok to sit in silence. It doesn’t always mean something is wrong. 
8. Communication is essential. Say it. Get it out. Deal with it. Move on. Unresolved issues not spoken of will fester, bubbling under the surface and eventually rot the foundations. 
9. We can agree to disagree on things that don’t matter. Bedtimes, clothes, job lists, holiday destinations can all be negotiated. But family, it’s direction, goals, beliefs, parenting, use of time and money – we need to be on the same page on the big things.
10. We need to compromise with no strings attached. 
11. Small random acts of kindness on a daily basis, like making a cuppa, calling during a busy day to see how an appointment went, offering to do something helpful, will show love sometimes more than the once off, BIG, FLASHY things.
12. Time alone without the kids is essential.
13. Laugh. Hold Hands. Dance in the kitchen. Life is going to get harder, so fight for joy when you can. 
14. Give each other time to do the things they love. He has sent me to cooking classes over the years, I’ve encouraged him to cycle with his mates. 
15. Invest in mutual friends who we can be real with. They’ll see the good, the bad and the ugly and they’ll still be a safe place for us both.
16. Keep our eyes on Jesus. He was the ultimate example of sacrificial love, grace, forgiveness and putting others first. We’re going to need all those things to make it to the finish line together. 

Flourless Chocolate Cake

2016-06-09 00:33:08

Serves 12

A rich, moist, chocolate cake made with roasted pecans and a hint of brandy.

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Prep Time

20 min

Cook Time

40 min

Total Time

1 hr

Prep Time

20 min

Cook Time

40 min

Total Time

1 hr

Ingredients

1. 250 grams unsalted butter
2. 250 grams good quality dark chocolate
3. 85 grams sifted cocoa powder
4. 180 grams pecans, roasted
5. 6 eggs
6. 1 cup castor sugar
7. 1/3 cup brandy
8. 2 teaspoons vanilla
9. icing sugar for dusting

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees celsius.
2. Grease and line the base and sides of a 20-22cm round cake tin with baking paper.
3. Melt the butter in a saucepan over a medium heat.
4. Add the broken chocolate and whisk until melted too.
5. Take the pan off the heat and whisk in the cocoa, till smooth and glossy.
6. Set aside to cool a little.
7. Whiz the pecans in a food processor till they are as fine as possible, being careful to stop before they turn into a paste.
8. Set aside.
9. In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and sugar together with a hand balloon whisk till combined.
10. Whisk in the chocolate mixture, then the brandy and vanilla.
11. Stir in the ground pecans.
12. Pour the batter into the prepared tin and bake for 40 minutes. The middle of the cake may still wobble a little, but if the sides are set, it is ready.
13. Cool completely in the tin.
14. Remove from tin and dust with icing sugar to serve.
15. Serve warm or at room temperature with thick cream, ice-cream and berries for a special dessert.

Notes

1. This cake will last for one week covered in the fridge.

By Belinda Jeffery

Adapted from Mix and Bake

Adapted from Mix and Bake

cook fast eat slow https://www.cookfasteatslow.com/